Hey Santa where's my candy!

As is the norm with these kind of shows, the school always ropes in some idiot to play Santa. That idiot is usually a foreign teacher and well....guess who this years idiot was!

I'm not exactly a stranger to the famous red suit with the white trim. As a teenager I used to dress up in my red summer pjs and hastily constructed cotton wool and sticky tape beard to entertain - or rather bemuse - my family and, during my first Xmas at Buckley, I donned the garb when I delivered pizza to my kids and later dished out candy to one and all.

On this occasion, the large plastic bag was handed to me halfway through the show and so, as the final performers delivered their lines to the dwindling crowd, I shuffled off to the back of the stage to change.

Freezing my butt off, I realized straight away there was going to be a problem. In this case my severe lack of anything resembling a Santa-like gut. The elasticised waist of the pants was way too big but, being the trooper that I am, I shoved in my sweater, put the jacket over top and tied up my disfigured belly with a thin plastic belt.

The last class finished their performance and it was showtime.
I had barely strolled out to the front of the stage with my candy- filled sack when I was set upon by a pack of rabid kids screaming ' I want!' I want'. As I dove my hand into the bag, my sweater and the cheap plastic belt - obviously made in China - both gave way(buckled under the pressure, perhaps?) causing my red drawers to come a tumbling down.(Luckily I had my own trousers underneath).

Barely noticing my predicament, the crazed hordes were relentless in their tang guo(candy) fueled lust as I battled to dish out the goodies in one hand while clutching my pants in the other. Of course the other teachers were no bloody help - they were too busy laughing - so I just rolled with it until all the sweets were gone. Looking back it was a lot of fun and most importantly everyone - including the boss - had a good laugh. A Christmas show to remember!